Discussions on Youth

I was never a fan of philosophy or the books promoting the idea.
But today, I dared to pick one and it was nothing but a step in the right direction.
I needed a friend and this book came to my rescue.
It talked rather than preach me, it gave me solutions to problems I thought rarely occurred in someone else's life, which I clearly misconstrued.
Now I know that if my mother yells at me again I can think that her loud voice means she's healthy and that is great.
That my hardships shape my character and not destroy it, was never clearer than today.
It told me that in my youth, love, no matter how dramatic and exciting, may be nothing more than escapism from the reality of our goals; especially because your goals may seem boring and conventional at the moment.

The discussions on youth, work, the joys of reading, dialogue with nature and so much more in these 310 pages have been really refreshing.

Nocturnal

Why have I become a nocturnal idler?

I love to sleep those long, deep sleeps..

But recently, they have become nothing but long, deep tribulations..

..and my only exercised alternatives are staring at the ceiling, or staring at a book, or watching something pretending to be attentive..

Even procrastination seems monotonous, my one true hobby until recently..

Nocturnal idler..

Befitting, isn't it?

It was, until now..

Now I am a nocturnal happy camper.

Why?

Because I've learned to live in reality and accept it.

I've learned that people with a set of rules cannot mix with those having no rules.

..and the credit for this lesson goes to a very close friend and also many friend-turned-foe's.

So finally, after a lot of ditching and being ditched, and getting over all the bonds gone awry, now I can rest and be what I said, a happy camper.

..my exercised alternatives now are opening up to a friend-established-friend every now and then, watching something and actually being attentive, et cetera.

In short, I am absorbing all the good around me.

Happy camper..

Sure?

..because I am still hung up enough to mention all the bonds gone awry.

Will I be able to pull this happy camper phase long enough to make it a permanent aspect of my life?

I haven't been able to decipher my state of mind yet.

I think I am happy and I'm really happy that I think this way. I mean, positivity is good!

Whenever I write, I try to veil my despondency, but after a few lines, I fail.

I guess, I am a happy camper veiling a sad idler.

Yet, I'm not sure about all this rumination.

I wish life was much easier to understand and night much darker to elude myself.

Procrastination

" Megan, come on out lest you want to miss your exam. "

" Yes Mom, coming! "

Megan frowned her way out of the house, retrospecting as to why did she even express the desire to become an engineer.

Her brother, an established and highly paid engineer, called this morning to wish her the best of luck.

Now she wishes to turn back time and tell him, that she overrated her potential, she's sorry for how she would let him and her parents down with her result.

Anyways, now is not the time to give in to her fears.

Now is the time to act smartly and make the most of the time she, apparently, squandered away in preparation.

The car came to a hault, and when Megan, lost in thought a second ago, looked up, saw the test centre.

Her body shivered to the core and she went cold.

" Mom, I don't think I can do this. I'm not prepared."

Megan's mom took her hand and said," Give it your best shot, dear. Leave the rest to God. He wouldn't let your efforts fade into nothing."

Given how jittery Megan already was, seeing her mother's faith in her efforts made her want to scream out that she didn't give her hundred percent, instead she procrastinated half the time and she was sorry!

" Now go on, just fifteen minutes to go. Find your seat and calm your head. Do well!"

Megan stepped out of the car, took the admit card in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.

Her body was a demontration of different colours and temperatures. Her hands were pale from the cold, almost passive.

While her nose and ears were rosy red from the fear of failure, which was sure to come.

Why did I waste all that precious time! I'm sorry..

Like a wilted flower, she stood for a minute in the hope of a miracle or the hope to be crushed by a passerby.

Such is the power of procrastination, the power to crush ambitions, the power to lessen destinies.
Never let it get to you.

The First Day

She was in her class all anxious about her first real date with her best friend. Underneath her blue sweatshirt was hidden a grey pearly puff top and a pair of jazzy earrings were making a noise from within her bag wanting to adorn her face which was already gleaming with excitement.
Being the Goddess of Punctuality, she barrelled towards the bus stop as soon as her teacher put his pen down, and got to the open food plaza much before the time they had settled for. Now, she had ample time to reset her hair, wear the jazzy earrings and come out of that hideous sweatshirt.
She kept telling herself to calm down, after all he asked her out as a friend. Right? "I've been there with all my close friends, only you are left now. " he said. That was his way to ask her out, she presumed. But now she was having a second thought. Taking off her earrings again, thinking that it may be too much for a casual meet, she again had a third thought. Why take off the earrings.That's ridiculous. She'd wear whatever she wants. And so she put them on again.
Amidst these thoughts, the girl glanced through the crowd and saw a guy make his way towards her, his gaze stuck on her eyes from that far. Gosh, her cheeks could even shame the rose. It was him.
He wore a tangerine sweatshirt, perfect contrast for her grey top, she thought. But then again, she always found a problem or two with him.
"Did you take a bath??..and did you shave??"
"Nop." , he said with a chuckle.
"Never mind..again.."
"Take off your earrings!!"
Now this didn't sound amusing to her though he was just having his share of fun.
"You can never stop pulling my leg, can you? As it is I'm so conscious about wearing them today."
The guy had his fervent laugh before answering to her.
"You look amazing. But, look at me and then look at yourself. Can't match you, so take off your earrings and then we can be at the same level."
His weird way of appreciation made her smile and all that could come out of her mouth was a "Shutup!".
All the anxiousness was now out of her system. She grew comfortable in his company again, like all the times before. Both of them knew that this was like no other meeting. A lot had changed and a lot was about to change in the coming days. Pity that they did not have a picture to see their happy faces. But they didn't need one. At least she did not. That day clinged to her heart like all the other moments she shared with him, hoping he'd remember the same.

Caught the Thought

31st December 2014

As Chandler Bing would say, this is a ' Dear Diary ' moment. Since, I have no diary of my own and also I would rather share my thoughts with my friends and acquaintances than myself alone, here I am, writing to everyone dear to me.

2014 has been to me like water to live skin. Soothing in the summer, cheerful in the rain and too cold in the winter. Those who know me best will know what I mean. I started off the way I am ending this year now. That was, and this is the time when life is giving me lemons and I know not what to make of them, because I have had too much lemonade, in the intervening time.

I may sound dramatic but life has been dramatic for a while. I'm sure, everyone's is, at some point of time or the other. I hope the new year has something better in store for me. But, this is in my hands, isn't it?

Of course, it is.

This year, I was too dependent on the people around me and when they left, I lost my motivation that used to drive me. Hence, I got my first lesson:

Independence of your mind and your heart is both necessary and sufficient for balance in life.

I was also very trusting of a few people. Some broke that trust unknowingly and some did, out of spite. To the people belonging to the latter category, I'm grateful, for they gave me my second lesson:

Never trust anyone but yourself, and you'll find half of your miseries quelled.

My third lesson is of a very special kind, because no matter how simply one puts it for me, I fail to learn:

Never run after something which is not your's to hold. You'll know you are the biggest fool once you lose all in the chase for one.

I really hope that the coming year gives me enough brains to follow this. These three lessons, in a way, have left me as a winner tonight. These lessons, or I can say, facts of life, though simply put, are often overlooked. I've learned them the hard way. My resolution for 2015 would be to remember and make use of them.

Cheers to the perils past and to the good days to come. Wishing that the rate of inflation keeps falling the way it is and that all of you have a great life ahead,

                                                      Happy New Year ;)